IF

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More so than me

She knows my name

And more so than me

Understands this pain

I'm either too lost

Or not lost enough

I think I'm too smart

For this type of love

I wasn't sent off

But straight to the ground

And I know God best

Is one with no crown

Don't know why the past affects me in this way

Don't know where I'll go if I leave here today

But I know my limits and you're not the type

To be fooling around in this way

No reason you're here but there's reasons to stay

Not as easy to know as it's easy to say

'Cause to my family and my friends I can't think of one thing

That I gain

But more for me

And more for me

More for me

Age 14 at midnight I hear voices from the kitchen

I let my feet follow the sound as I let my ears listen

I walk upstairs and at the kitchen table I can see

That God is sitting with the Devil, sharing drinks and old stories

The floorboard creaks

A red embarrassment floods all throughout God's face

He swears that it's not what it looks like

Then he swears he can explain

The Devil speaks

"Your God and I put all our differences to rest

And though man's actions are his own

But man will blame us nonetheless"

The Devil stands

He grabs his keys and straightens out a rusted crown

He tells me, "Hell is frozen over

Heaven burned down to the ground

And you have only got one life

So do with it what you would like

We solemnly apologize but we won't be there when you die"

And I stand cold and alone in a body that won't move

Watching the eyes of these gods that I once knew

One pair looks down in a half-hearted lie while

The other looks straight into mine with a whole truth

Lacking the fear I've been told that God deserves

I say, "What good is a prayer that goes unheard"

He says, "What hope could they find in a book

If the book doesn't sell and the pages stay unturned"

And with a wink, the Devil turns and exits the back door

And God is standing there in silence with his eyes glued to the floor

But then he speaks

"I am no savior but I give them what they need

And there has never been a dreamer who prefers reality

The war for truth is raging on but it's not one you have to fight

And if it is the truth you want, then it is hope you'll sacrifice

It's yours to choose and you can choose

This is not the way I am, this is just how I was raised

So let me make up my own mind, let me map out my own way

And to the parents of the kids with tongues down in their throats

Because of tears that you will cry

If they don't stick to what they know

I'm sure you're giving it your best

And I am sure it takes a toll

But whether God given or not

Our lives are not to be controlled

Just let us choose